Sunday, March 28, 2004

Brains.....Brains

A CT regular, let's call him "Bill," came up with a very interesting similarity with Mel Gibson's Movie "The Passion of the Christ" and the new remake of the "Dawn of the Dead." I did not write this, so don't blame me for it. You can just blame me for publishing it. Here is what he wrote:
Some friends had mentioned that 'Dawn of the Dead' had unseated 'The Passion of Christ' this past weekend as the top grossing box office movie.

And I thought, Wow, two hits in a row about dead people. Wait a minute. That's not quite right. That’s TWO BOX OFFICE HITS IN A ROW ABOUT THE UNDEAD. Movies about the undead, really seems to be a hit for moviegoers this movie season, but who can blame them for their insatiable appetite for blood and gore.

What am I talking about? It’s obvious, Christ was dead and then he came back from the dead. I think that definitely meets the definition for undead.

But wait, there’s more! Both groups strongly advocate the eating of flesh. Both groups hold the promise for life after death for followers.

Early followers were known to hide out in the catacombs. Coincidence? I think not.

The bible is strewn with references of his undead nature. The parallels are uncanny. Christ brought Lazarus back from the dead. Miracle or midnight snack? You decide!

5000 people, 5 loaves of bread, 2 fish – How did he feed them all? It’s not hard when you are undead.

Average person needs 2000 calories/day
Average person eats 3 times/day
Average requirements for 1 meal = 2000 Calories / 3 =
667 calories per meal
Average weight of human brain = 3 pounds
Calories for 1 pound brain = 503

# Lunchables = TotalPeopleAliveOrUndead - #Undead
X = #Undead

Solve for X!

#Undead * CaloriesRequirementsPerUndead = (TotalPeopleAliveOrUndead - #Undead) *AvgBrainWeightPerPerson * CaloriesPerPoundOfBrain

X * 667 Calories = (5000 People – X) * 3 lbs * 503 Calories

667 / 3 / 503 * X = (5000 – X)
.442 * X = 5000 – X
.442X + X = 5000 – X + X
1.442X = 5000
X = 3467

#Undead = 3467
#Lunchables = 5000 People – 3467 Undead = 1533 Lunchables

You can consider the bread & fish an appetizer.

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This is crazy you say? I think not! I found proof in the Bible! Everyone knows the living dead just love to eat brains. Look at these passages below.

1 Peter 5:2 King James Version
"Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind;"

Biblical speak for “More Brains...”

Romans 15:6 King James Version
"That ye may with one mind and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."

See! God wants you to eat brains.

Philippians 2:5 King James Version
"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:"

Christ is cool. He shares his lunch.

Ezekiel 23:22 King James Version
"Therefore, O Aholibah, thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I will raise up thy lovers against thee, from whom thy mind is alienated, and I will bring them against thee on every side;"

Sounds like a scene of night of the living dead to me.

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Whew, all that made me hungry. I think I’ll go grab a bite to eat now. I’ll catch you later.

And remember, the next time I am slowly shuffling up the aisle for communion, I will be thinking the same thing you are... “More Brains...”
To Contact "Bill" you can email him at morebrains2004@yahoo.com.

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